Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
