Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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