youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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