my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
