I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
