it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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