Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
