At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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