Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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