I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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