Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
