my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize