Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You ruined the universe
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
