You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
