nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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