Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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