Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
