if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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