you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize