Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
