Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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