I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
