A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
