I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
