WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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