i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
