I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
