i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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