Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I've blown a few things in my day
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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