I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
