cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I lost the right to judge tonight
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