Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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