Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
