he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
