I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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