Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
