you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
