just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
