in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
