Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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