I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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