I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
