I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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