Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
