Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
