I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
