I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
