I wish I could punch you in the face.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
