he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dude. I can hear the air.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
