I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
