never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
