my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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