Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
