The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
