Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
