I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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