Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
