i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
