Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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