Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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