Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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