we have officially lost it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had sex on a roof
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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