summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
