my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
