; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
