Just fell off a train. Bad.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
