boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
