Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
