I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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