dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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